Pregnancy Glow? Um, I think NOT.

They say that every pregnancy is different. Oh boy, is that the truth. Not that I felt particularly glorious at 32 weeks pregnant with Ainsley, but it certainly was not where I am at in this pregnancy. Here are some fun things that have suddenly appeared this week, reaffirming my belief that this shop will be closed once these boys are born.

1. I have suddenly developed melasma all over my neck. It looks like I don't know how to wash and being that I cannot wear turtlenecks in the ever-fluctuating Las Vegas weather, it leaves me feeling unattractive, self-conscious, and a little like blotchy Michael Jackson must have felt. If it appears on my face in the next few weeks, I won't be leaving the house.

2. Skin tags. EVERYWHERE. I have them on my neck, under my arms, in every crevice and corner or anywhere my skin rubs against itself. I have always been moley, but this is ridiculous. (And yes, my husband makes me feel even better by singing Austin Powers "GuacaMOLE" rhymes about moles.)

3. My nether regions are . . . . engorged. Not sure if it is the pressure of two heads on everything in combination with the extra blood flow, but I look like I had collagen injections in my crotch. You know, not that I could SEE it, but it is so crazy to actually feel your heart beating . . . you know, there. P.S. Did I mention that I haven't actually had sex since November, thanks to placenta previa? I miss sex. A lot.

4. Just like at the end of my pregnancy with Ainsley, but worse, my bowels are in a constant state of upheaval. And now that comes complete with my first hemorrhoid ever. Fun stuff.

5. I actually have bruises all over my belly. Both sides of belly button look like somone chewed up the skin and then above that, I have suddenly developed 4000 new stretch marks and a brownish, bluish bruised tint. Did I mention it hurts? A lot? And when Ainsley pulled my shirt up in the pool supply store the other day while I was having a conversation with the man behind the counter about pool pumps, the look of shock on his face sent me to my car to cry while Mike coordinated. I cried for 20 minutes.

6. I have gas like a truck driver. And now I have suddenly lost the ability to burp. Instead, it is just this painful half-burp, complete with stomach acid. The only thing that helps is if I eat cups of ice all.day.long.

I will round off the list with my nightly average of bathroom breaks. For the last three nights, I have counted how many times I have gotten up to pee from approximately 9 pm to 6 am. It seems the teeny tiny bladder syndrome has my up, on average, 15 times a night. FIFTEEN.

Not that I am complaining or anything. (sigh)

Comments

[Amber]

Wow! I hope we end up pregnant with twins this next cycle! Sounds like a good time! ;) You're in the homestretch now! Hang tight!

[a]

Oh....that makes me want to cry. I'm here for you!!!

[Erin]

Oh, Sara! Pregnancy is so, so hard, I can only imagine with twins! The swollen nether regions--oh yeah, that's a vivid memory. All that pressure is what does it. It won't be long now.

[girl from florida]

Oh my gosh, thank you soooo much for making me giggle! :) I know you probably didn't intend for this post to be funny, but I was laughing because I have so been there, just a few weeks ago.

I did not know skin tags were a pregnancy side effect!! Because I have them everywhere too- and I was wondering what the hell was happening to my body. And my nether regions have FINALLY started to go down in size, thank God... I felt like a puffer fish down there.